


With everything I am

by Bsbfan40



Category: Backstreet Boys
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-28 11:01:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30138570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bsbfan40/pseuds/Bsbfan40
Summary: Lisa just barely escapes a violent relationship. Her best friend changes everything that she ever thought about relationships.
Relationships: Nick Carter/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 1





	1. Measure of a man.

Chapter 1: I'm coming home. The only person that I trusted with my very life was my best friend. Nick Carter. Yes...I'm talking about the backstreet boy wonder. The one who's made millions of girls drool and swoon at the pictures posted on their walls. I just thought it was amusing since I've known nick for practically his entire life.  
I knew his family since we lived right next door to each other for a time when he was located in Jamestown , NY. We practically did everything together. And then there came the move to Tampa. We were separated by states and time ..but that didn't stop us from communicating whether it be through letters or long distance phone calls. My family became a surrogate family for him when all of the Carter family drama went down.  
My parents would send for him during the holidays and every chance they could to provide a safety net for him.  
Of course when nick joined the backstreet boys...I was thrilled for him. I admired the hardwork he put into honing his craft. I always thought he was amazing singer.  
Life got incredibly busy and hectic for him once bsb pretty much exploded in the US. We spent our teen years separated...we dated different people. Some I approved of...some I didn't. Just because I saw what the real motive was behind these vultures wanting to get close to him for superficial reasons.  
Nick of course was protective of me as well ...even when I'd text him about whoever it was I was dating.  
I thought that his concern for me was genuinely sweet...  
He always manages to look out for me.  
But then came Chris....who wasn't crazy about my bond with nick. He controlled everything I did and made life a living hell.  
"Well, I have some news. The press tour has finally ended and everyone's pretty much making their way back to the states . This means that I'm flying back down home today, we'll tonight. You know what I mean. " Nick said.  
"Are you serious? You're not joking right? " I asked.  
"Nope I promise you...it's not a joke. Im packing as we speak. I manged of book the last flight out to new York city. I didn't want to delay the trip any further. If I would have went back to Florida and took the long flight over that would defeat the purpose of keeping my promise of coming home when I'm suppose to. I'll just do my laundry whenever I have time with you." Nick said.  
"That's not a problem at all. When will you get here?" I asked as I looked at the time displayed on the microwave.  
"My flight is coming from Europe in at 10 PM your time and it'll be at jfk airport." Nick said.  
"Ooo yay. This gives me time to finish off these cookies. I'll let throw on some sweats and I'll be there to pick you up myself." I said.  
"Li, it's late for you to driving up to jfk , especially in the light snow." Nick said.  
" It's not a problem at all. I dont want you to be waiting at the terminal for hours on end but especially when you've had a long flight. You'll have a real i want it that way even experience and Never make it home. I'll be there." I said.  
" Are you sure that you're not tired? " Nick asked.  
"Nope not at all. I've got my second wind now." I said.  
"Nice." Nick said.  
"Did you fold your clothes or did you just throw them in your bag?" I asked.  
"Um, I folded them." Nick said.  
"Sure you did. Last time we unpacked one of your bags, all kinds of clothes came spilling out of your bunk and I tripped over your shoes that we're hidden underneath the blankets on your bus." I said.  
Nick let out a laugh at the memory.  
"I'm glad that you find my tripping over your shoes very funny." I said.  
"What? I'm sorry." Nick said as he was trying to gain his composure from laughing so hard.  
"Somehow I still belive that was set you as a trap for me. You and your beloved pranks are never too far away." I said.  
"Would i do that to you? No." Nick said as he claimed his innocence.  
"Sure, play innocent Mr. Prank king." I said.  
"Hey, I've played my fair share of pranks... but on you, nah. I have mercy. Besides I caught you that time so that time so you wouldn't get injured." Nick said.  
"Good thing that you did. I would have planked and somebody's beauty sleep would have been interrupted." I said.  
"Never wake D up from a nap. He becomes like a troll, an angry one too. Thats just not like sweet D" nick said.  
We both cracked up over the phone at the thought of the quiet sweet meek member of the backstreet boys. ...turning into a grumpy thing.  
Over the years, I've had my share of tour bus shenanigans with nick whenever I was allowed to tour with him during the summer break from school.  
We'd find some interesting ways to keep ourselves entertained during the long hours driving from cities and states. Part of being nicks best frriend was also being a willing participant or an accomplice to his pulling pranks both on his band mates or tour staff. We were lucky enough to get away with somethings and some of the times, we'd get a lecture from Kevin Richardson who was the groups eldest member at the time.  
Good priceless memories aboard the bsb bus.  
"It's good to hear you laughing agian." Nick said.  
"Yeah. It feels good too. It's been a while since I've laughed like that." I said.  
" That's part of my job. To make you happy when you're sad." Nick said.  
I had to blink back tears at the truth of that statement. Nick took on that assumed responsibility and always found a way to bring a smile to my face and he knew me better than anyone else would. Even when be was going through the his own personal turmoil, he found a way to be the sunshine in the midst of pain. He never placed me in the position for feel unsafe unless you count the time that we were twisting the chained swing sets in his backyard so we could get dizzy.  
"Li. You're okay. You got quiet on me" Nick asked. The concern was evident in his voice.  
"Yeah, I'm fine" I said.  
I didn't want him to hear my cry. I knew that hurt him and there's nothing that could be done about my running emotions from thousands of miles away.  
"Are you sure?" Nick asked.  
"I'm fine. Just finished packing. I'll be at the airport to pick you up." I said covering up the brokenness in my voice, clearing my throat.  
"Alright. Be careful driving." Nick said.  
"I will. Have a safe flight" I said.  
"Thank...see you soon. " Nick said.  
"See you. " I said.  
We both hung up the phone. I gathered my emotions..nick was finally coming home and we didn't have to be separated by timezones and Europe.  
I put the finishing touches on the cookies and put them into bake. I packed a light snack for nick to eat on the ride home .  
After cleaning the kitchen, I went to my bedroom to get changed. I must've changed my outfit at least three times. As I looked in the mirror at my reflection, I wondered why but I cared so much better how I looked when it came to seeing nick this time around?  
I guess it attributed to the fact that the last time that we were together, I was covered in bruises. Bloodier and almost left for dead.  
I wanted Him to see that I had gotten better and stronger since we had last seen each other. At least that's what I convinced myself was the truth. 

Later that night.......  
Jfk is one of the largest airport terminals in new York city. It could be a complete zoo with people Coming and going, security check points especially with the holidays the crowd was large in volumes as expected.  
I decided to wait before the gate where nicks plane would arrive. I looked out of the window, fascinated by the size of the planes going to and from the airport.  
Nicks flight was announced and I headed over towards the gate and waited for nick to arrive. I watched as various people were Coming off the plane and walking towards the gate.  
I finally spotted nicks tall frame waking towards me followed by Marcus, his security detail. I knew there was a chance that there would be some fans at the airport and would delay my getting to see nick.  
Nick finally approached me, standing tall with his back pack on his shoulder and two bags alone side of him. I smiled as he dropped his bags and wrapped me in his arms for a hug. Nick held me in his arms for quite some time, rubbing my back up and down. His embrace was warm and inviting. Our height difference made it easy to get lost in his embrace.  
I responded by wrapping my arms lightly around his body, inhaling the scent of his Cologne on his sweater.  
"I missed you so much." Nick said.  
"I missed you too" I said.  
After a few minutes, I looked into his ocean blue eyes and I almost got lost in his warm gaze.  
"You look great." Nick said.  
"Thank you. So do you " I said.  
"Thanks." Nick said.  
"You're welcome. How was the flight? " I asked.  
"It was good, just a bit long. My legs were crunched a bit." Nick said.  
"And your height doesn't help anything alone. Now when you get back to my house. Youll have all of the room in the world to stretch." I said.  
"Yeah, that's sounded good." Nick said.  
I got the chance room day hello to nicks security detail. Marcus may look intimidating but he was always sweet with me and quite the teddy bear. Aside from having nick around, I always felt safe when Marcus was around too. Marcus always was a lookout for me whenever I would come on tour with the boys and he'd let me in to the vip sections.  
We stood talking at the gate for quite some time. Marcus was going home to be with his family in Rhode Island for the holidays after having spent the last couple of months on the backstreetboys security detail.  
After delivering nick safely to my side, he was going time catch a connecting flight home.  
Nick and Marcus and in walked over to the baggage Claim to pick up nicks belongings and then nick and I walked with Marcus to his gate. We waited until Marcus homecoming flight was called. As always, i thanked him for bringing nick home in one piece. After saying goodbye, Marcus finally went through security and boards his flight.  
Nick and I were finally left alone.  
"Are you ready to go home? " I asked. "Yes, i am." Nick said.  
"Okay. Let's head over to the car. Here's your coffee." I said handing over the thermos of coffee that I brought from home.  
"Thank you for the coffee." Nick said. "You're welcome. And I have a snack waiting for you in the car too." I said.  
"Awee li. You're right always looking out for me. Thanks." Nick said.  
"You're welcome. " I said.  
Nick and I finally exited the airport and headed over to the parking lot to get to my car. We placed his luggage in my trunk and I opened the car doors so that we could get inside and away from the bitter cold. I turned on the ignition and warmed the car up for a bit. Nick adjusted the front passenger seat so that way his long legs wouldn't be too cramped up by the time we would get to my place.  
I started the car up and we both buckled up. Nick punched in my address in the GPS. Once we had the address punched in, we began the drive back to my apartment. The drive back was quiet as Nick looked out of the window. I could imagine that he was tired from working all of those weeks overseas and then there's the jet lag. I gave him the sandwich and cookies which he tore into just as he did when we were kids. Gotta love a man who had a good appetite.  
We arrived by my apartment by 12:30 am..I parked the car and shut it off. Nick stretched out his legs. After getting his belongings from the car , we secured the car and walked over to the building. We entered in and took the empty elevator up to the third floor. Once the doors to the elevator were closed, nick leaned against the wall and sighed.  
"What's the matter ?" I asked.  
"I'm tired. But not sleepy." Nick said.  
"Well, you haven't rested at all. When we get inside the apartment you can just relax." I said.  
"That sounds like a good idea. Does anyone else know that I'm in town?" Nick asked.  
"Yeah, I told my parents and my did sister. They're excited to see you. " I said.  
"I can't wait to see them too. I still have to get a gift for them." Nick said.  
"Good. They means that we need to go to the mall , home depot and a couple of other places for last minute stuff." I said.  
"Ha!! You were just on my case for doing last minute shopping. Who's the procrastinator now?" Nick said.  
"Whatever. It's been hectic with work that I haven't had a Chance to run to the store..Anyway, I won't go torture you by waking up early. I'll let you sleep in." I said.  
"Good, then you are forgiven." Nick said as another yawn escaped him.  
"You need sleep" I said.  
"im good for right now that Spanish coffee that I was drinking In the car gave me a boost. Talk to me in a another hour or so" Nick said. 

The elevator doors open and nick took his belongings and followed me to the apartment. After getting inside and locking the door, I hung up our jackets in the closet. I showed nick around the apartment, before returning to the living room.  
"You're place looks great." Nick said.  
"Thanks..I still have more stuff room do as far as decorating goes." I said.  
"What else do you have to do? " Nick asked.  
"Well , I have to finish the tree." I said.  
"What's wrong with it?" Nick asked as he looked over again at the various ornaments that we're hanging on the tree.  
"Well, I need to purchase more lights, garland and I needed help putting on the tree topper." I said.  
" I can definitely help you out with that. Don't tell me that you were going to stand on that rickety chair over there." Nick said.  
" a girl who gotta do what she gotta do. Suppose you weren't here." I said.  
" You would have Fallen and broken some more bones. I don't want that happening. You're still recuperating." Nick said.  
"I did you insist on helping, you're gonna hold that chair steady." I said as I grabbed onto the rolling desk chair.  
"No, you're not gonna stand on that unstable thing that you call a chair. I'll put the tree topped on. I'm taller than you short stuff. So don't try to fight me on this. I can take you." Nick said, looking down on me with his hands on his hips. I had to admit that his argument was valid. His 6ft frame towers over my 5ft 2 frame.  
"I'll let you do your thing." I said relent onto to his request.  
"I dont mean to sound overbearing and I know you're used to doing to doing things on your own. But please let me help you out this time. I'm home now." Nick said.  
His delivery of that statement held a gentleness that I had never known and his gaze was subtle, yet gentle.  
What the heck was he doing to my insides. We he attempting to pull down my defense mechanism without trying so hard?  
"Fine, then after we do the tree topper , you're going to eat." I said.  
"I told you, I'm good with the sandwich. " Nick said.  
"I made some chicken Alfredo. " I said hoping to entice he appetite.  
"I'll eat." Nick said.  
" See. ..I knew that you wouldn't be able to resist that." I said.  
"Not one of my favorite home cooked meals." Nick said.  
"Yeah, yeah." I said.  
I went to get the tree topper which was stored away in one of the closets.  
"What you got there?" Nick asked as he moved the rickety chair out of the way to prevent any hazardous falls.  
"Nothing glamorous, just this little star" I said, handing over the topper.  
"How long have you had this agian ?" Nick asked.  
"I was would say within the past four years. It's still in good condition." I said.  
"Yeah, it's not that bad. We're still gonna get a new one soon. One that light up with all of those colors" Nick said.  
"What's wrong with this one ?" I asked.  
"Nothing....nothing at all. " Nick said as he put his hands up in surrender.  
"Ha! I thought so. " I said , clearly amused at business reaction to what I said.  
"Just let me work here. Stand aside shorty. " Nick said.  
"Whatever." I said.  
I thoroughly enjoyed the friendly banter between us and been thankful for his company at that moment. I watched as nick effortlessly put the tree topper on and was convinced that only happened because of his height.  
"See, was that so hard to let me do that for you?" Nick asked. I rolled my eyes at him.  
"You did a good job" I said.  
"Thank you." Nick said..  
"You're welcome."  
While nick was in the helping mood, we began to put up more ornaments on the tree.  
Some of those ornaments were items that I had Collected over the years. We took a stroll down memory lane and reminisced of the good times that we shared. Afterward I fixed that plate of chicken Alfredo which I had promised nick.  
"I'll be back. I'm gonna change into my pajamas if you're done beforehand, just leave the dishes in the sink and you can turn on the tv and watch whatever you want." I said.  
"Alright. Do you need your bandages changed?" Nick asked.  
"Just the ones on my side and wrist." I said.  
"I'll help with that. I remember what the nurse taught me." Nick said.  
"You don't have to do that." I said, in awe that he even volunteered the chance to tend to my wounds.  
"But I want to. I've been gone long enough. Now you need to be taken care of too." Nick said.  
"Thank you" I said in awe of his kindness.  
"You're welcome" Nick said.  
I went to my room to change out of my clothes and into a pair of Wylee pajamas that had been a gift from Brian and leighanne during one Christmas.  
After changing and getting the medical supplies , I returned to the kitchen, but nick wasn't there. But the the table was cleaned and the dishes were done. He had even transfered the left overs from the pot to the Tupperware. How considerate of him. I made my way Over to the living room were nick was channel surfing.  
"Hey, there you go." Nick said, looking up at me.  
"I'm all changed up. Thank you for cleaning the kitchen for me." I said.  
"You're welcome. You cooked, I clean. The food was delicious. Thank you for making the treat." Nick said.  
"You're welcome. I'm glad that you liked it." I said.  
"You've got everything that you need there?" Nick asked.  
"Yes, i do. I have guaze, antibiotic gel and medical tape." I said.  
"Where's the wash bin? We have to clean out your wound in case it's still bleeding." Nick said.  
"The Wash bin is underneath the sink in the bathroom." I said.  
Nick got up to retrieve the bin in the bathroom. I turned my attention to the late show that nick had left on. I heard nick rummaging in the bathroom and the sound of the water running. He returned moments later with a small bin of warm water and a wash cloth. He sat right by my side.  
"Which one do you need changed first? " Nick asked.  
"The one on my side. That one's always a little difficult for me." I said.  
"Alright. Do you mind if I lift up the side of your top only so I couid see what's going on over there? " Nick asked.  
"Sure, I don't mind." I said.  
I watched as nick lifted up the side of my top to check out the bandages. He gently peeled the medical tape and removed the bandage, placing them in in a plastic garbage bags. Just as he predicted, the wound was pretty bloody. Nick took the washcloth and squeezed out the excess water and began cleaning the wound. He was ever so gentle and compassionate when I'd wince in pain.  
"I know it hurts, I'm almost done." Nick said..his tone of voice was soft and gentle as he continued to message tend to the wound. He put a fresh coat of antibiotic gel and closed off the wound with fresh guaze and he also put medication on the various bruises before gently pulling my shirt back down.  
"Is that better?" Nick asked.  
"Yeah, thank you so much." I said.  
"You're welcome. I'll be right back. I'm just going to dump the water and rinse the cloth." Nick said.  
"Okay." I said.  
Nick got up and took the wash bin to the bathroom. I heard the water running once more. He returned to the the couch and tended to my wrist in the same compassionate manner.  
Afterwards, nick got a big blanket and covered me with it to keep me warm. As we watched the late show together, he offered his a shoulder for me to rest my head on.  
I had to admit ...snuggling on the couch with nick was nice and had been exactly what I needed unexpectedly.  
He'd subtly use one hand to run his fingers through my hair and played with it.. I found myself , wrapping my arms around his body. ..as though I was holding onto a life sized stuffed animal.  
I was getting sleepy. ...but i didnt want to leave his side.  
"Are you getting sleepy there? " Nick asked.  
"Just a little....." I said.  
"You don't have to get up from here. There's room for the both of us ...unless you wanted to go to your own room. .." Nick asked.  
"Staying with you shouldn't be a problem. I ...you're actually keeping me me warm. It may sound stupid ....but i dont want to be alone tonight. If it makes you feel uncomfortable. ..." I said.  
"No...not at all. I totally understand. Come .. get yourself comfortable. I'll go get changed and come back so we can sleep." Nick said.  
"Okay." I said.  
Nick got up to get changed in the guest room while I made up the couch for the both of us.  
Nick returned to the living room with an extra pillow and another blanket to keep us warm. He turned off the television and the lamp and came over to the couch.  
He laid down first and invited me to lay down beside him. I laid my head on the extra pillow as he wrapped us both in a blanketed cocoon.  
"Just close your eyes and relax. I'm right here. You don't have to be scared of anything. I got you." Nick whispered.  
Hearing those words was like music to my ears.  
I slowly closed my eyes and began to relax. My best friend knew what to do in order to quiet the anxiety that rested in my heart. There were so many things that he had yet to know about my life after the abuse. ...but that would eventually come to light at the appropriate time. For now, I just took comfort in his presence.  
My best friend was back.


	2. I've got you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lisa reflects on the darkness she lived and her best friend sheds some light in her life.

Chapter two: I've got you.   
Verse :   
I want to thank-you for all of the things that you've done.   
But most of all for choosing me to be the one.   
Chorus :   
It's funny how life can bring new meaning. You came and changed what I believed in. The world on the outside is trying to pull me in but they can't touch me because I've got you.   
-I've got you (nick carter) 

December 23rd.   
"Just close your eyes and relax..I'm right here. You don't have to be afraid of anything. I got you."   
Those were the last words that I heard nick whispered into the darkness of the night before I had fallen asleep. It brought me comfort to know that he was right by my side, instead of a couple of thousand miles away.   
Prior to nick's homecoming, nights had been nothing but cold, lonely and rough when it came to dealing with the fear and unwanted anxiety.   
My doctors called it some form of post traumatic syndrome.   
Nick was the only man that I Had really allowed to be In close proximity to myself after all that I had been through at the hands down another man.  
He's my best friend and had seen me at my worst. I believed that he had no intentions of hurting me in any way shape or form.   
I Honestly thought that nick would have been freaked out by the way that I had asked for his company just to sleep. But to my surprise, he wasn't. He welcomed the idea and made our time on the couch as comforting as possible.   
How the heck was this man single in a world where he basically could have anyone he wants ? He was Good looking enough to get a date or dates for that matter.   
What did he say to me over the phone in so many words : he was tired of the fast girls who only wanted three things: sex, money and fame?  
Waking up on the couch next to nick was something i never in my wildest dreams thought would ever happen.   
At least I knew that he we was sill alive and breathing. There was actually a time where I thought i had lost him for good. He stirred for a moment and turned around to face me, Carefully pulling me close to his body. I had been surprised that he had even done so. But welcomed the notion. It was done as if it was second nature.   
Without waking him up, I carefully ran my fingers through his blond hair and studied his facial features. He was clean-shaven and each blonde eyebrows were flashed up.   
As I laid there on the couch at nick's side Watching him sleep, the memory or who he was several years ago haunted me. I saw a side of nick that he had hidden from the world as best as he could.   
Depending on what the group was working on, they'd get up at 4-5 Am to either shoot a music video or record for a new album. They'd even travel and perform several nights a week for their fans and sometimes wouldn't go to bed till later. Then add the nightgown outings to the schedule. You could check aj, howie and Kevin at various clubs dancing the night away.   
We werent old enough to join them at the time, so we'd spent our time in the hotel rooms playing Nintendo games and watching movies.   
As soon as nick was coming of a legal age , nick wanted to Join his brothers in the nightlife.   
I just accompanied nick to the club to keep him company and spend time with his band mate howie dorough who I was getting close to.   
Eventually the tossup between finding success in the group and the stress of his personal life drove nick to drink alcohol. His drinking started off in a moderate, controlled amount.   
Then the red flags started to appear once he moved on from drinking beer to now drinking alcohol in heavier content and he'd get drunk almost every time we went out.   
I operated as the designated person along with Kevin Richardson to get nick back to his hotel room in one piece. 

During that crazy time, different people walked in and out of nick's life. Relationships were developed. Some held promise while others hadn't and caused further demise.  
I remember when Paris Hilton had walked into nicks life. I never commented on his love life. But i secretly held a disdain for her...especially when all she wanted to do with him was party, not really bothering to get to know him as much as I did. He was blinded by her looks and was drawn to the common bond that they both lived their life in the spotlight.   
I admit at times I felt jealous and a bit neglected since he was spending such a large amount of time with her, and thats expected when you start dating.   
I knew that someone else would take my place eventually.   
But she was the wrong person.   
her influence on him had caused more damage. She provided a partying Avenue which led to alcohol and eventually he got caught up with doing drugs of all kinds. Coke , ecstasy , heroin and he also drank excessively. 

At times, I begged him to stop partying and clean up his life before he'd lose everything. He on the other hand didn't want to listen to a word that I had to say.   
I felt helpless as I'd watch how stubborn he had become...not wanting or needing help.   
That pivotal time of our lives was dark and our friendship was tested. He has been arrested several times for drunken brawls at bars for DUI.   
Nick carter had become a completely different person and it hurt me greatly to watch him essentially kill himself with all of the drugs and alcohol that he had been consuming.   
We went through several years of pain and loss. Nicks middle sister leslie carter died in the interim of that chaos from a drug overdose and his parents blamed nick for not being available for his sister. Her death caused Nick to sink in it a deeper hole of depression.   
There was nothing that I couid have done to change his destructive behavior other than to distance myself slowly.   
I realized that he had to come to the end of himself in order to realize what he would lose : Our close friendship. I lost my other half, my best friend. 

I remember getting a knock on my parents front door at 9:30 on a Saturday morning. As I opened it, there stood nick on the other side looking tierd, unshaven and a bit disoriented. His body weight increased and had ballooned twice his average weight. He looked like he hadn't slept in a week.   
The man standing before me wasn't the man who id hope to see. In nicks ocean blue eyes, I saw weakness an loneliness instead of Strength....not a man who was on top of the world. Fame and fortune had ruined him.   
The conversation we had that day had been the most heart breaking and gut wrenching events that I ever had to endure over the years.   
"Ooo. What happened to you ? " I asked sarcastically.   
I wasn't in the mood to deal with his ranting and raving after having been abandoned for someone who could care less about Nick at all.   
"I went out last night. " Nick said.  
"Yeah. That's nothing new, nick. I'm surprised that you're even here. I figure that you'd be sleeping off your latest shenanigans with Paris." I said.   
"We broke up, this time for good." Nick said. Well, this was a bombshell.   
"So you came all of this way to tell me that? This is your way of coming back to me now that you don't have her. ..I see." I said.   
"No, it's not like that." Nick said.   
"Whatever the case may be, it's your love life nick. You do what you want. I get it. I don't and won't meddle in your Decisions and who you sleep with." I said.   
"I came to tell you that you were right." Nick said.   
"About what?" I asked. .  
" You were right about Paris and her intentions for being with me . She wasn't with me for the sake of being with me like I thought she was. All she wanted was her name on my ass and to party and get high when we were alone alot.   
I got stupid drunk last night once the truth hit me." Nick said.   
"If don't know how many times I have to drive the truth home to you.   
Girls like that will never be worth it because they truthfully can't give you what your heart reply desires... to be loved and accepted. They just want to be associated with your name and money and not for your heart.  
This isn't you, nick.   
This isn't the person that I grew up with. Throwing caution to the wind , not caring about your life and the people in it who do genuinely care about you. People like me and my parents, the rest of the guys.   
What youre doing is killing you and most of all, it's killing me.   
I'm worried about you and I'm so afraid that I'm going to get a call from the hospital or the cops or even worse , the morgue saying that you are dead from an overdose." I said, feeling close to crying.   
"I can and will stop." Nick said.   
"You think that you can just do that on your own terms? It doesn't work that way. You need professional help to get clean. We just watched aj go through the same horrid spiral and he was fortunate enough to get help and Kevin saved his life. And now I'm finding myself going through the same thing with you. You've always been stubborn. You can't play with your life." I said.   
"Li I get it. You care and have been there for me, but I'm fine. I don't need the lecture right now." Nick said.   
"Then why are you here ?" I asked out of frustration.   
"Can't I just reach out to my best friend? I have a real bad hangover and I need a place to crash. Somewhere peaceful." Nick said.   
I was worried about his state of mind...He was in complete denial over needing help. Did I exhaust my heart and patience over him ? As much as things about his addiction to drugs and alcohol hurt , I knew that he needed stubborn grace and love to carry him through.   
He needed Someone who would would take care of him and wouldn't walk our when others had started to.   
"Sure, come in. I'll get you some coffee and asprin and food." I said.   
"Thanks li." Nick said.   
"You're welcome." I said, letting him inside of the house. 

I remember helping nick take off his shoes and led him into the kitchen..i pulled out a chair and he say down. I started making a fresh cup of coffee and made some French toast and eggs. That's when my mother walked into the kitchen and exchanged a look between myself and nick. I thought that she would have given him a lecture upon the one that I had given him.   
Instead, she kissed the top of his head and handed him some Tylenol and made up a bed for him on the couch. I was thankful for that.   
I plated his food and just as I was about to serve him, nick got up and stumbled to the nearest bathroom to throw up. Rather than running away and not dealing with the issue, I entered the bathroom, flushed the toilet and rubbed his back while he emptied the content of his stomach , which was barely anything. I had to look away so he wouldn't see me crying.  
After throwing up, he sat down on the cold floor by the toilet and had begun to cry. He rarely cried in front of me because he was taught that crying was a sign of weakness, not a sign of being strong for a lengthy period of time.   
I knelt down next to him and gathered him in my arms, allowing him to soak my shirt with his tears.   
"It's okay. I'm not going anywhere." I said trying my best to comfort him in his hour of pain.   
"Take it away li..take it away." Nick said in between sobs.   
"What exactly do you want me to get rid of, the hangover ? I wish I could, but you'd have to get that out of your system naturally. That'll pass. We've been through that before." I said.   
"No, I know that. I just want this pain to go away. Honestly, I feel so bad for all of the pain that ive cost you. I've got no one around.   
Leslie's gone and now you hate me..." Nick said, choking back sobs.   
"I could be pissed off at you...but i could never hate you. Hate is a strong word, and an even stronger emotion." I said.   
"But I deserve to be treated like crap. I've drunkenly told you off, I neglected you, I ran off with other women for days at a table time. That's more than enough reason for you to hate me and give up. Go ahead, throw in the towel." Nick said.   
"Like I said , hate is a strong emotion and I have no hate towards you at all.  
am I disappointed in you, yes. ..i am.   
I care about you so much and I wouldnt be Here trying to work this out if I didnt.   
I wouldn't be here extending myself to take care of you, like I will.   
I've had to remove myself from your life because I can't go on the same destructive path that you're on. Its the most heart breaking thing to go through. My heart is broken watching you kill your dreams in the process. I need my best friend back. I need you healthy and whole till were old and grey so we could wreak havoc on the nursing home with our walkers." I joked trying to make light of the situation.   
Nick slightly smiled, but I knew that was just a cover up. This man was still dealing with the hurt and utter brokenness. He was starting to see the hurricane that his actions had caused.   
"I really didn't realize how much my actions caused you disappointment.  
Is there a way that I could make things right with you? " Nick asked, sniffling.   
"Actually, there is." I said.   
"Tell me what you want me to do. I'll do anything you want me to. " Nick said. Looking at me with bloodshot eyes. There was a look of sheer sense of desperation and emptiness. He was lost and now desperate to find the light at the edge of darkness.   
"I know this is asking alot of you right now , but please go to rehab and get treated.   
When you're ready and able to , we can look at different places and decide what treatment center works out for you. Heck , I'll even drive you there myself. I don't want to give up on you or our friendship. I need you back, but in in a healthy frame of mind. Please go for me..I'm begging you." I tearfully pleaded, searching his eyes for an answer, waited with baited breath.   
"Count it done..I'll go." Nick said.   
"Really? Are you serious? " I asked.   
"Yes, i am. I can't make any promises of how everything will turn out.. but I'll go just for you." Nick said.   
"Thank you, thank you" I said, taking him back in my arms allowing nick to cry and apologize over and over for the next hour or so.   
That afternoon changed his life for the better. As promised, nick did end up going to a rehab facility in Los Angeles and then spent some good time in the rural mountaintops in Tennessee away from the spotlight and craziness that life in the music industry could bring. He had time to clear his mind and started to make some healthy and necessary changes from his life. He attended counseling sessions and worked with a psychotherapy doctor to address his insomnia and a whole host of other medical problems.   
Even when nick had returned home, he did a 360 degree change.   
He made good on his promise to quit smoking..even if it was ciggereytes.   
And he quit drinking alcohol.   
He cut off alot of his old contacts and changed his number and found an Aa meeting to attend to in our hometown.   
I was so proud of the effort that he has put into making things better.   
I continued to stand by his side , encouraging him along the way.   
As far as his career was concerned, he got involved with recording with the boys and started touring and connecting with his fans again.   
I showed up to his shows and made it a point to show him how proud i was of him. In fact we got closer. We started spending more time together whenever he was available.   
In almost every interview that he's done , he had credited me to helping him get back on track. I was greatly humbled by that admission.   
And now 12 years later, nick had returned to new York city clean and sober. Though the couch we were lsying on had been the place wherr nick had laid back and recovered from all of thsr hell, That couch now held a different significant meaning and memory for me. It was as though nick was returning the favor by now using it as a place to help me heal in my own storm. 

There i was cuddled with my best friend.. he would see me as I am without makeup and my hair sticking all over the place. I only hoped that he wasn't doing this just because he felt sorry for me.   
He had already begun to take care of my physical scars.   
What would happen once the emotional scars would show up? Would he stay or walk the other way in search of someone else to take residence in his heart and arms?   
After relaxing with nick on the couch for a while, I got up slowly headed to the bathroom to freshen up. Well, at least brush my teeth and wash my face.   
on my way Over to the kitchen , I passed by the living room agian. Nick was still asleep, with his back turned towards me. I sighed and covered him with an extra blanket and continued to mske my way iver to the kitchen.   
I started on brewing the fresh pot of coffee and making some brunch for us to eat.   
About 20 minutes later, ,nick sleepily made his way to the kitchen..his blonde hair was sticking up in different directions. I suddenly didn't feel so bad about sporting a messy bun and no makeup. Nick felt comfortable enough with me to leave his hair messy and in his wrinkly pajamas.   
I had to admit , I liked the whole just rolled out of bed look. He looked healthy again with a healthy weight loss.   
"Good morning sunshine" I said.   
"Good morning. You're up early." Nick said.   
"There's tons of stuff to do..remember were going to hit the mall and home depot?" I asked.   
"Oh yeah, that right. I forgot about that..I was knocked out." Nick said.   
"You certainly were. You were snoring for a while. Did you sleep alright? " I asked.   
"Yes, i did. .your couch is pretty comfortable. " Nick said.   
"I'm glad that you were able to sleep well on that thing. It's so old , but it's fluffy. I hang out there when i cant sleep. That insomnia is no joke." I said.   
" I know what you mean. Trust me , I've been there. Actually I was more worried about you having another nightmare in the middle of the night. Did you sleep okay? I felt you tossing and turning." Nick asked.   
"I'm sorry about that..." I said.   
"You don't have to apologize. You didn't knock me out or push me off the couch." Nick joked. I had to smile at his silliness.   
"Seriously though, did you sleep? " Nick asked again.   
"I didnt get as much sleep as i had wanted. Images of him had started to appear." I said.   
"Damn. I'm sorry." Nick said.  
"Don't worry about it. These things happen to me from time to time." I said.   
"Telling me not to worry about you is crazy. You know that's never going to change, right ?" Nick asked.   
"I know. The good thing is that you must've sensed something was wrong, cause you pulled me closer to yourself." I mentioned casually.   
"I did. Like I told you last night, I got you." Nick said.   
"I really appreciate it. Thank you. You have no idea how much you just being here helps." I said.   
"I could imagine. I'll help you in anyway that I can.   
Now that I'm here there's no more heavy lifting for you to do. Leave that for me to take care of. I don't want you getting hurt while I'm here and able to do something  
And that includes lifting that laundry basket over there." Nick instructed, nodding over to the load that was waiting by the bathroom.   
"That has to get done eventually" I said.   
"And that's all good, but just take it easy." Nick said.   
"I promise you that i will." I said relenting to his request.   
"I'm glad you're listening to me. I'll be back. I'm just going to freshen up a bit." Nick said.   
"Okay. Don't be too long. I've got your food ready for you. " I said.   
"Okay. I'll be right out." Nick said.   
"Cool. There are some extra Towels or whatever you need in there." I said.   
"Thanks." Nick said.   
"You're welcome " I said.   
Nick made his way to his luggage, got what he needed and made his way towards the bathroom, closing the door for privacy.   
As I got our plates together. I heard the shower running. This situation Seemed as natural as possible.   
Fans might have made a big deal over the idea of nick carter taking a shower in their bathroom in their perfect world.  
It wasn't nothing that I wasn't used to over the years.   
When nick returned to the kitchen   
, I could smell the scent of his Cologne that wafted from the bathroom and it jarred my senses. It smelled pretty good.   
"It smells pretty good in here." Nick said as he towel dried his hair , walking out in a fresh pair of jeans and a black turtleneck. I had to admit , he looked handsome.   
" that would be the french toast and maple syrup dude.   
Did you find everything that you needed?" I asked.   
"Yes , i did. Thank you" Nick said. .  
"You're welcome. Everything is ready for you to eat." I said.   
"Thanks you need anything else at the table ?" Nick asked.   
"Maybe you can get our drinks in the fridge and cups from the cabinet." I suggested while I set the plates on the table set for two.   
Nick gathered the items that I asked for and placed them on the table and joined me so we could eat together.   
"It looks great. Thank you" Nick complimented.   
"You're welcome. " I said.   
As a long standing tradition we said grace for our meal and then got started on our breakfast.   
Nick and I ate in silence at first. We were just enjoying the moment of actually having a homemade breakfast together as opposed to being hallways around the world, miles away from each other.   
Nick had been very careful when it came down to weighing out his words. I avoided bringing up all of the hell that I had been through at all cost.   
I honestly didn't want him to know how much the weight of abuse had pushed me down. I should have known that he would eventually get it out of me.   
"So, youve been quiet for quite sometime now." Nick said.   
"I have?" I asked casually eating a piece of toast.   
"Yes, i have been away for a while and we really haven't talked about what's been going on with you. In our last lengthy conversation over the phone you mentioned that you've been struggling. I've been thinking of every possible scenario that you might be in. I know that it isn't easy for you to discuss and I get it. But the way I see it , it's better to talk to someone about what's going on in that head of yours. And I'm here, so you might as well be honest and tell me about it. Maybe I could help with whatever it is that's plaguing your mind." Nick said as he poured more milk into his coffee.   
"We don't have to do this now. I mean, you just came back home. It's supposed to be a good day. I dont want to bring down the mood by overloading you with my issues." I said.   
"Li. You're not going to overload me with your issues. I came all the way to new York city to spend time with you and catch up on things even if I cotton means talking about heavy subjects. You were there for me when I was alone and needed someone to talk to and now I want to do the same for you. That's what this is all about, right?" Nick asked.   
I sighed..he was right. And to deny him of returning the favor would be selfish. I just wanted to remain string and prove that I could handle the recovery process myself.   
"Aside from the nightmare and insomnia, things at my job have been totally crazy. Before i left for Christmas break. My supervisor dumped a bucket load of applications and checks on my desk and decided to put a rush on them. There were more than 150 of them to do. I wasn't going to get them all done and completed by 5pm, so I put in alot of overtime." I started to explain.   
"How much overtime are we talking about? " Nick asked.  
"I was pulled in a 9-10 hour shift. I wouldn't leave the office till about 9-10 pm and id get home by 11 PM only to eat a quick tv dinners, shower and go to sleep and be up by 5 to do it all over agian. Like I told you over the phone , sometimes I'm lucky if I'm able to sleep through the night." I explained.   
"That's not good at all. Does your supervisor know that you are still recovering from surgery and that you need your rest?" Nick asked.   
"Yeah, she knows. I've exhausted all of my time off so I don't have a choice but to get all of this work done by the time that she expects it to be done. I had to do what I had to do." I said.   
"It sounds like she's the supervisor from hell. The least thing that she could have done is to help you out with the workload so that you could clock out at a decent time. What is she doing while you're working so hard?" Nick asked.   
"She goes on pretending like she's working, but she really spends half of her time on her cell phone...all day , everyday. There are times that I hear personal conversations that I dont necessarily want to hear and unfortunately I share an office space with her. I know it's not meant to get along with everyone that I work with, but there should be a mutual level of respect...you know what I mean? " I said.   
"I completely understand." Nick said.   
"The thing is that the word respect Doesn't even cross her vocabulary. She's abusive and derogatory to almost anyone that she talks to. She has no respect for anyone else , including me. I stick up for myself, but to no avail nothing works." I said.   
"Have you talked to any of your bossed about this? Possibly a manager or a ceo?" Nick asked.   
"Yes, I've made my fair share of complaints but no one has really come to my defense. My job doesn't have a union rep to fight for me. There are alot of dirty politics in there." I said.   
"What do you mean? " Nick asked.   
"She's practically bosom buddies with the staff in human resources and im pretty sure that she covers up her dirt by laying on her back a time or two to get what she wants. I'm not going there. I rather earn honestly by working hard." I said...cutting my sausages .   
" I dont like what this job is doing to you." Nick said.   
"At times i just want to quit, but it'll be tough to just leave abruptly like that when I have rent and several bills to pay. A large part of my check Goes to the normal things like paying rent heat and then there's paying the insurance for the last couple of therapy sessions..." I said.   
"You're telling me that your health care doesn't cover the cost for the sessions?" Nick asked.   
"They only pay half of it. I have to pay like a $50 dollar Co pay everytime I go. It pretty expensive to go for a month straight." I said.   
"I didnt know things were that bad. This is my fault." Nick said as he put his fork down and sat back, running his fingers through his hair.   
"Why are you blaming yourself for my issues?" I asked, confused by his reaction.   
"It's my fault for not checking in as often and making sure that you were okay. Why didnt you come to me for help? I would have given you whatever you need for therapy. That's important to take care of, li." Nick said.   
"It's just didn't want to keep coming to you for that purpose only. Money like that doesn't come easily. You work hard to make what you make." I said.   
"Lisa, youve never been one of those people to ever ask me for anything since I got with the group and have worked my way up to where I am today. You don't have a lazy bone in your body. I get your work ethic...its great, but nows the time to break that independent streak that you've got going on and let me help you out. You're carrying a load that not meant for you to carry on your own.  
The stress, the bills and the nightmares are piling up on you and that's not easy on the recovery end. I've offered you to move in with me and that offer hasn't changed and im not changing my mind about it either. You gotta stop hiding from me." Nick said.   
I sighed and looked down at my food trying not to cry. After eating the bare minimum, I got up to wash the dishes in the sink , sniffling.   
To my surprise, nick had gotten up from his seat and had approach me from behind and shut the water off and wrapped me in his arms for quite some time. He leaned his chin on my head and then he rested his chin on my shoulder.   
"It's okay. Come here..." Nick said softly.   
I Turned around and found myself burying my face in his chest and weeping, soaking his turtleneck with my tears. He began to make these comforting circles on my back and whispered words of consolation.   
"Shhhh..I'm here. I'm your best friend and have always been. If anything you should feel free to come to me and tell me anything and reach out for help. If I could find a way to help you, then I'll do whatever I have to do and try my best to come through for you. But if you shut me out, that not going to help anything. 12 years ago, I shut down and shut you out. Doing so hurt you. Now put yourself in my shoes. It's hurting me. You of all people understand and know how deep the whole of depression can be. It nerky destroyed me and i dont want the same for you. Not anymore. I told you that if I was home that i would take care of you. So now that I'm back, that's what im going to do. Leave the dishes alone, come with me." Nick said as he took my hand.   
I had no idea what his plan of action was but I trailed behind him as he led me to the bedroom. I watched as he unmade the bee and fluffed the pillows and threw the blanket back. Nick approached me and gently scooper me up in his arms, not in the form of a caveman over his shoulder, but in the way a man chivalrously carries a woman over the threshold. I kept my eyes on him as he gently laid me down and tucked me in bed, sitting by my side with the medial supplied on the bedside.   
Nick carefully lifted the shirt I had been wearing and began to work on changing my bandages. He took the wash cloth and applying water to the wound. I figured that he would have been repulsed by the sight of the stitches in broad daylight, but he wasn't. He was gentle, concentrated and full of concern. I winced in pain.   
"I'm sorry. I know it hurts." Nick said.   
Nick successfully changed the bandages and cleaned up the mess.   
"See...all better. ..at least for now." Nick said.   
"Thank you." I said.   
"You're welcome. I'll be back..I just. Gotta wash all of this stuff and get your food and medicine." Nick said as he pulled my shirt down In the process.   
"Alright." I said.   
Nick surprisingly kissed my forehead and nose and walked out of the door. Moments later he returned with with a bottle of water and my medication. He read the instructions qmd opened up the pill container, handing over a pill for me to drink. I till the medication, swallowing it with water.   
"How's that?" Nick asked.   
"A little better. Thank you." I said.   
"You welcome. You want to watch some tv while I heat up your food?" Nick asked.   
"Sure, why not?" I said.   
Nick found the television remote and turned on the tv. We channel surfed until we found the animal planet channel. He left the room momentarily to get through food that I had left on the table and heated it up. When he had returned, I was served breakfast in bed. No one has ever done that for me before. I was humbled and taken aback by his giving and nurturing behavior.   
I was sincerely grateful for all that nick had done and was amazed at how he took the reigns of my personal care. He's gonna make a great boyfriend or even a an amazing husband to some lucky lady down the road.   
After eating and watching TV with Nick, I was starting to get sleepy as the pain killers were taking their affect.   
Nick laid down on the left side of the bed and propped his head with his hand. He took me by surprise when he had touched my nose and had begun to play with my hair ...humming an unheard of song ..all the while keeping eye contact with me. His gaze held qns certain gentleness and a tenderness that is had never witnessed another guy.   
He leaned over and respectfully kissed my forehead.   
"I know it's not easy what you're going through. ..but you're not alone anymore. It'll take time, but I'll be there for you. You can bank on that." Nick said.   
"Why are you so good to me?" I asked.   
Because you deserve to be treated well. Someone placing their hands on you in an abusive manner isn't right. And truthfully, I'm tired of seeing you being treated like shit. I'll be damned of anyone ever damages you further. " Nick said.   
His words etched hope in my heart. Nick took me back in his waiting arms and I leaned my head on his chest, listening listening to the sound of his heart beating.   
"Good to sleep. I'll be right here" Nick whispered.   
As the medication started to take its course, I allowed myself to just let go and listen to that unheard of song that nick continued to hum in my ear.


	3. Mending broken pieces.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick sheds some new light as to why he's really back in town.

December 23rd, 2019  
Late afternoon.   
"You deserve to be treated well. Someone placing their hands on you in an abusive manner isn't right and truthfully, I'm tired of seeing you being treated like shit. I'll be damned if anyone damages you any further" nick said. 

That afternoon , nick spoke with such tenderness and had walked in taking charge of my care in the most gentle manner possible. He carried me to bed and had taken care of changing the bandages, gave me breakfast in bed and had taken care of my medication. I had been emotionally exhausted and drained from having to fight for survival on my own. I was now emotionally exposed.   
I knew that nick could have chosen to walk away and not deal with any of the excess baggage of the physical and emotional scars that he had been a witness to, but he didn't. Instead he ran to me..not in a literal sense ...but he chose to stay and deal with it all. He confronted the very issues that I had been trying to hide so desperately.   
Laying in bed looking into his eyes and listening to him sing this unheard of song seemed to help wash away the tension and had taken off the edge of unwanted anxiety.   
For the second time in a row...I actually was able to sleep. That was a miracle in itself. 

When I woke up to use the bathroom after some time, nick was still there by my side, sound asleep. I was thankful that he had stayed with me. The animal planet was still on a moderate level. It seemed to me as though nick had been exhausted as well. It amazed me to see how comfortable i had gotten just enough to take a nap as innocently as can possibly be by his side. I guess that speaks to the testament of how comfortable we were in our friendship over the years.   
I attempted to get out of bed as quietly as I could so I wouldn't wake nick up , but my plan of action did not work. Nick sleepily turned around and looked at me. "Are you okay?"Nick asked groggy from sleep.   
"Yes, im fine. I just have to go to the bathroom." I explained. "  
"Oh,okay. Do you need help getting out of bed?" Nick asked.   
"I can make it alone. Go back to sleep. I'm sorry for waking you up." I said.   
"Don't worry about it. I'm just glad that you're okay. I'll stay up and wait for you to come to bed." Nick said as he sat up in bed , resting his back against the headboard.   
"You are a worry wart." I said.   
"I am not." Nick said almost in a childlike tone.   
"You are too. What are we , six years old again?" I retorted with a smile.   
"Thats beside the point. I just want to make sure that I'm available to help if need be. We can't have you Falling in the toilet. I might have to come and assist you." Nick said throwing in some sarcastic humor.   
"Oh lord." I said rolling my eyes at him and giving a smile.   
"Things like that do happen you know." Nick said with a good natured smile.   
"So I've heard. Anyway, I'll call out for you in case I need any help." I said.   
"Okay." Nick said. 

I trudged out of bed and walked into the bathroom and closed the door. I used the toilet as I had said that j would and afterwards I quickly checked on the bandages that nick had placed on my wounds. To my surprise, they were still intact. Each piece of guaze had been strategically placed on my side.   
My thoughts began to trail off to noticing little but significant differences in regards to how things were so different when it came to interacting with nick.   
I noticed the way he had been so concerned about my well being in its entirety. His presence around me was like a breath of fresh air. My ex had been incredibly selfish , immature and only cared about what was right and fair in his eyes. He wanted his way no matter what the cost was, even if it involved being controlling, and physically abusive.   
I stayed with the abuser because I had this notion that things would get better in time. I had been convinced that I was doing the right thing by exhausting undeserved grace to someone else. I was wrong. Not everyone is deserving of that kind of grace, especially when it costs a persons life and well being.   
The only other person who hae been different towards me was nick. I had always wished that everyone else who had entered into my life would have been just as gentle, strong and down to earth as nick had been during our entire friendship. Every comparison would lead me back to him...but why ?   
I was fooling myself thinking that nick would ever love me as more than just a friend. Still battered, bruised and torn with a past that I couldn't break free from ,it would take a lifetime to heal from the hurts and pain. Nick didn't need my baggage now that his career was once again on a all time high.   
When I had returned to the bathroom , nick was still up as he had promised that he would be.   
"You're back." Nick said.   
"Yep. I couldn't believe how much I had to go. "I said.   
"Well, you did drink half of that water bottle. When you gotta go..you gotta go. I almost went in to check in on you. " Nick said.   
"Why?did I take too long?"I asked, fearing that he too was the controlling type as far as timing was concerned.   
"Not at all. Relax. Relax. I was worried that you would have fallen into the toilet or something like I told you earlier." Nick said. I could see those blue eyes of his dancing with amusement.   
"Oh lord. You're a mess. You were hoping that would have happened." I said, rolling my eyes at him approaching the bed, climbing into the right side of the bed where I had been sleeping earlier. I sat beside him in bed,leaning my back against the headboard.   
"I'm kidding. You're good now?"Nick asked, as he moved my quilt and helped cover my body once more.   
"Yes I am. Thanks to you. You've taken such good care of me. I appreciate everything that you've done for me today." I said.   
"You're welcome. It's not over though. This is just the beginning." Nick said.  
"Really??" I said.   
" uh huh. Lots of things are going to change. You're not going to have to worry so much. Thats gone and out of the window. So what I want you to do is lay down and just relax again with me. We'll still go running around later like you wanted to." Nick gently admonished.   
"You promise?"I asked.   
"Of course. But you need your rest first."Nick said.   
"Okay."I said. 

I laid back down and rested my head on my pillow instead of using nicks chest as a resting place. Nick lay back down by my side and got comfortable on his pillow as well. After some time I had fallen asleep and had begun a series of dreams . One current theme within the dreams was the fact that nick was involved in one way or another. In one particular dream I saw nick and I walking side by side along this path carrying some luggage. We were on a journey that really didn't have a clear destination.   
When the load seemed to heavy for me to carry nick was there to help lighten the burden. I guess this was prevalent to our bond over the years.   
As we kept on going down this path there seemed to be this shadow that cast over us. I thought that it was possibly going to rain. Nick assured me that we would still reach our destination before a potential downpour would hit. Strange enough, the shadow started to shape itself into a human form and I saw its face.   
The more I focused my attention on the form, I realized that the face belonged to the ex who had essentially beaten me and placed me in the hospital just months before. My ex had wrapped these heavy chains around my body in an attempt to bring me back to him , trying to separate me from nick. Nick didn't just stand back and allow me to fight on my own. He dropped the luggage that he had been carrying and grabbed the chains with all of his might pulling me towards his body. He never once let me go , ensuing a tug of war between him and my ex and I had been in the middle of the chaos.   
As the tug of war continued,I became fatigued and was so ready to just relent and give into the darkness surrounding me . My ex evil energy was wearing me out.   
"Nick I can't fight anymore." I cried out.   
"No...don't do that. Dont let hjm win. " Nick said pleading with me as he pulled with his might to break me.free from the bandages. 

I woke up from this dream in a panicked state of mind, grasping for air to breathe as if the chains still had their hold on me. I rubbed my neck realizing that the chains were just a figment of my imagination. Thought the vision and sensation of the chains which were binding me was all too real.   
I looked over at nick who was sound asleep again. He did promise to help me through an episode if I were to have one. He would witness the unwanted fear and anxiety that the trauma of abuse brought into my life.   
I shook his arm in an attempt to desperately wake him up. Eventually he stirred.   
"Huh..."Nick asked groggily.   
"I had a nightmare. "I said barely gasping for air.   
Upon realizing what was going on, nick sat up immediately and enveloped me in his arms, rubbing my back in comforting circles. I held onto nick has though he was my lifeline in that moment. My body had been shaking from the sheer moment of fear.   
"Just breathe. You're okay. Ive got you. Come.on...take slow breaths for me."Nick said.   
The more he gently coaxed me into taking slower breaths ;I began to regain a normal sense of breathing. The tears streamed down my face as though water was streaming from a never ending faucet. I was caught in a position where my emotions and vulnerability had been exposed again.   
"I'm sorry...." I began to say.   
"Li...don't apologize. This is what I'm here for. I was the one who told you to wake me up whenever this does happen again. So...its all good. Everything is gonna be alright. When you're ready, I need you to tell me what you saw in your dream. Just breathe. I'm right here and ready to listen." Nick said.   
There was such a thick and obvious amount of concern in his voice and in his eyes as he gently wiped down my tears with his gentle hand.   
I took a few deep breaths and calmed myself down before I could speak. The last thing nick needed was for me to give him a babbling explanation.   
"The dream obviously involved Chris. You and I were walking down this path and he had found a way to follow us. Chris was angry that I was walking with you rather than taking this random journey to nowhere with him. So he decided to take his anger out on me and bound me in these chains in an attempt to pull me away from you. Yet you were there fighting for me. You were encouraging me not to give up. Had j done so ..it would have dicated to him that he had won the war. I know it was a dream, but its just seems so real."I explained as best as I could while choking back sobs.   
"Well in some ways there are alot of truths to some parts of the dream. I've always been around for you anytime you needed me...except for those few years that I was acting like maniac. You won the war of abuse when you decided that you weren't going to take anymore of his crap."Nick explained.   
"Thats true. Honestly....i would have been dead if you hadn't stepped in when you came home the last time."I admitted.   
"Thate what inwas afraid of happening..in that moment, I wasn't thinking of my safety..I was thinking about uou first and getting you out of harms.way. let me be the punching bag instead of your there's no way in hell I would let him or any other guy hurt you...not if I can help it." Nick said.   
"After everything that I went through, you're pretty much the only person aside from my father that I can fully trust with my life. And you know that trusting people isn't easy for me to do" I said.   
"I'm glad that I can be that person that you trust. You're the only person that i trust after everything else that had gone on in my life too.  
Our past has been full of broken trust because of my actions that tore us apart. But look at the way things are now. We're better than ever because we were able to mend the broken pieces.   
Now ...the tables have turned and you're in a bad place. Its my turn to be the strong one and help you heal those places. It'll take time....I'm aware of that. But I'm not running from the bruises...scars. that's why I came home. ... I left the tour and projects in Germany to take care of you."Nick admitted.   
Why the heck was this sensitive best friend of mine still single? What a huge sacrifice.   
I curled up in his arms and rested my head on his chest.   
"How long are you willing to stay?until you get sick of me ?" I asked as I sniffled.   
"I'm here for you as long as possible. Thats not gonna change. Right now ...you come first. That's my priority. You can stay right there and get comfortable." Nick said ..encasing me in his arms.   
I wasn't sure what this journey would look like....but as long as I had nick there by my side...I had a glimmer of hope.


	4. measure of man.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick's actions opens a hole in Lisa's frozen heart ❤

I woke up some time later to the feeling of Nick’s strong yet protective arms around me and his breath   
on my shoulder. I treasured the silent scenario…just listening to him breathe and feeling a sense of  
protection that I had never known before.   
That morning, He allowed me to cry in his arms and shed the tears until I could shed them anymore and   
all the while, he just laid there with arms around me and being such a great source of comfort.   
Why was it so hard to find someone who would make me feel protected as he did? I never expected his   
homecoming a reason to even start analyzing him and his actions… trying to make reason of why he had   
been treating me so well.   
Soon enough Nick stirred in bed and I turned around as carefully as I could in his arms to face him. I was  
met with a pair of beautiful ocean blue eyes and an audible yawn.   
“Hey.” I said softly.   
“Hey…Did you Just wake up?” Nick asked.   
“I did wake up just a few minutes ago.” I said.   
“Oh, okay. Did you sleep better this time?” Nick asked as he wiped the sleep from his eyes.   
“I did sleep better after all of that crying… that tired me out.” I said.   
“I’m glad that you slept better after all of that craziness. I didn’t realize how bad things have gotten.”   
Nick said.   
“Yeah, it’s an unfortunate part of the aftermath of everything that happened to me. I hope that I don’t   
have to deal with the sleepless nights for the rest of my life.” I said.   
“Hopefully you won’t have to and sadly that’s out of my control. If I could take that away from you, I   
would…especially when I’m not here to help you through that mess.” Nick said.   
“I know that you would, if you could. You’ve always did find ways to make me feel better whenever I   
was down about something.” I said.   
“This is more than just about you being down about something that could be fixed in a heartbeat. Fear   
was instilled into you and obviously, the incident is still fresh in your heart and mind. I hate seeing you   
so scared like that. You know what it does to me when you start crying.it’s his fault for putting you in that position that you shouldn’t have been placed in the first place. None  
of it is your fault. ” Nick said.   
“The thing is I kept thinking that there were things that I could have done to make him want to change   
his behavior towards me, but nothing changed. It only got worse. It was my fault for being delusional to   
think that there was room for change. ” I said.   
“Li, you and I go way back and for as long as I have known you you’ve always had been the kind of   
person to give the benefit of the doubt to certain people that you have come across.   
No one goes into a relationship thinking that this or that person is going to hurt me pretty bad.   
He just too plain old advantage of you and used your kindness for a weakness. He didn’t deserve a good   
woman like you. He didn’t deserve the grace that you gave him. I warned him that if you were hurt in   
anyway, he’d have to deal with me. He just didn’t think that I’d come through on my word. He should   
have known better than that.” Nick said.   
“Yes, I know. Chris didn’t even want me to tell you that anything was wrong. He was always jealous of   
how close you and I were. It was a risk that you took to jump in and be there, brawling on my behalf.   
You could have been hurt and your career would have been tarnished because of that.”I said.   
“Well, like I said, I warned him of what would happen if he hurt you. He’s stupid to think that you   
wouldn’t tell me anything about what was going on. He tried getting away with it for as long as possible.   
Thank God I was home when he did attack you. He finally got what was coming to him. Had I lost you   
that Night when I brought you to the ER that would have been a wrap.   
Losing you to that bastards violent tendencies’ would have killed me. I never would have been able to   
live with myself had I just ignored how he confronted and severely beat you to a pulp.   
Anyway, the thought of him shouldn’t even be crossing your mind right now. He’s gone for good and   
you’re here safe, with me. That’s all that matters right now.” Nick said as he ran his long fingers through   
my mess of hair.   
Well, not to put an obvious pun or a play on one of his songs in there but could someone tell me why  
this man was still single and why would he speak to the depths of my heart in his own way?   
The rock star in him knew how to use his words so wisely. I had no verbal response for him at the   
moment. I just wanted to remain in that comforting moment in his arms as he played with my hair.   
He knew what to do in order to calm me down. Nick turned on the television again and we channel   
surfed for a bit before we found a Christmas movie to watch. Surprisingly he was willing to watch yet   
another hallmark movie just for my entertainment. After some time, Nick looked at the clock. It was   
nearly 2:30. We had spent the better half the morning and early afternoon in bed.   
“I know you’re comfortable and all, right now but you did say that you wanted to do some running   
around earlier. Is that something that you are up to doing? If not, we can just stay in and rest? It’s really   
important not to put so much pressure on yourself. You’re not quite out of the woods yet.” Nick said.   
“I know. I think I could handle a little outdoor activity. Being in here could get anyone stir crazy. you   
gave me that pain medication and changed my bandage and drain bag… so I’m good till we get back.” I   
said.   
“Alright, but as soon as I start recognizing how much pain you’re in, we’re turning right back and   
heading home. Is that fair?” Nick asked.   
I noticed that the latter part of Nick’s statement wasn’t a demand, but rather a gentle compromise out   
of gentle concern. He wanted to work with me as opposed to being in control of the situation. t was really refreshing to witness Nick in that light when in his world he’s so used to having everything   
that he could possibly want at his fingertips. Fame does that to you and gives you a sense of having   
“Power”. I didn’t know if that translated well into his relationships that he’s had over the years, but in   
this moment, I observed that he was relinquishing any thought of having control. Nick has always been   
the kind of person that likes to help someone if they are in a sticky situation. That altercation just   
didn’t change my life, it affected him as well.   
Nick knew that it would take a lot of work to break down my walls of doubt, fear and insecurity.   
Why would he choose to come home from an amazing Backstreet boys press tour and pick up where we   
had left off?   
“That’s fair enough.” I said.   
Nick shut off the TV and we both got out of bed to get ready for our shopping excursion. Nick   
encouraged me to take my time and get myself ready and he would take care of the dishes and making   
the bed. He actually shooed me away out of my own kitchen. After witnessing the way he cleaned up   
the kitchen the night before, I trusted his domestic skills.   
I gathered my clothing and everything that I needed and headed towards the bathroom, closing the   
door for privacy. I undressed and detached myself from the drainage pump so I could shower   
comfortably. I entered the stall and adjusted the temperature of the water, allowing the warmth to hit   
my skin. I was so thankful for the nap that I had taken, which had taken off the edge of some of the   
stress that I had been dealing with for the last several months.   
I thought about the talk that we had at the breakfast table and realized that Maybe Nick was right.   
I was attempting to piece my life together rapidly and not allowing both my heart and body to heal   
properly. Throughout my life, I had always been the kind of person to stuff anything that I had gone   
through in the back burner, leaving things to be dealt with on my own terms. I wanted to show the   
world that I was tough enough to deal with whatever came my way. That came with the after effect of   
being a victim of abuse.   
Likewise Nick had gone through a bucket full of pain and had dealt with things in his own way, ultimately   
falling to his own demise. He was fortunate enough to get the wakeup call that he needed and went to   
work on creating a better life for him, and went to therapy as well to deal with the baggage.   
There were plenty of times when I wanted to leave that relationship and had wanted out, but just didn’t   
find the courage or the strength needed. I honestly didn’t want to be lonely and had to pick up my life   
all over again. I’ve tried to hide things from Nick, but I realized that was an impossible feat. Like his fans,   
he had a way of finding out information and pulling it out of me without being harsh. My wakeup call   
resulted in a beating and Nick was there to come to my “rescue” the first time.   
After having gone through the nightmare episode so many times alone since the incident had occurred, I   
had always turned to the one piece of comfort to get me through the trauma: Nick’s voice…even if he   
was singing about love and heartbreak.   
At the moment, I didn’t care what the content of the song was; I just needed to hear my best friend’s  
voice. The one man who had garnered my trust. We had been through a lot together over the years and   
had established trust.   
As I showered, the vision of his arms around my body came to mind. I envisioned the way His arms I showered, the vision of his arms around my body came to mind.   
I envisioned the way I felt so small and petite there. His hold wasn't forceful ...but rather a place of safety. Why in the world was I having these thoughts about someone who had been my playful partner in crime all of these years? Its not like he ever showed or insinuated that he had wanted to move past the platonic level of our friendship. I always thought he was someone who looked at me as just another friend...nothing more. occupied by others. He’s had women lined up to keep his bed warm since   
he was 15 years old and had slept around. Sara Waters were one of the many he had come into contact   
with and I had assumed that he would have made his way home in Florida and would have picked things   
back up with her. But then again, he left Europe and had chosen to come stay with me. What in the   
world happened there?   
I needed Nick, but there was no way that I could ever reveal that to him. I was so afraid of losing   
everything that we had gone through to get to where we were at this point. That afternoon had shifted   
something. After so many years, Nick and I finally shared a bed and he had enveloped me in his arms,   
not as a means of getting anything sexual, but for the means of comfort.   
had accomplished in life. Was I really looking for Nick to “rescue” me again? I wasn’t certain for sure,   
but I would have to keep the thoughts and reservations to myself. He didn’t need to see the unsteady   
emotions or anxiety on a constant basis. I was forced to create a shield around my heart so I couldn’t   
get hurt by the man I trusted with my life.   
Later that afternoon, we pulled into the parking lot of the nearest home depot and looked for a parking   
space. We were fortunate enough to find a spot near the entrance of the store. Nick parked the car and   
we enjoyed the last of our warm drinks. We got out of the car, carefully locked the doors and quickly   
walked into the store to get away from the cold elements of the weather.   
“So, do you think that we’re going to need a cart? We’re just going to get a ladder…” I asked.   
“You also said that we needed more lights, and a new tree topper and we need to get that rack that I   
had mentioned to you before. So, yes... We’re going to need a cart. You don’t need to be carrying   
anything over 5 pounds. Please leave that to me to handle.” Nick said as he got a shopping cart.   
“Okay…okay.” I said.   
Nick and I went up and down the row of aisles, looking at the various products. I thought our shopping   
experience would be boring since we were surrounded with power tools and wood pieces of all kinds.   
As we looked around in the various aisles, we found a couple of elf hats lying around.   
Getting into the holiday spirit, Nick put on one of those hats on and pretended to be an elf.   
this man never really took himself seriously. I was always the serious one out of the two of us, but I was   
amused by watching my best friend turn into a man – child at the moment wearing this ridiculous hat. with pointed ears as he continued on with our browsing.   
He insisted that he wasn’t going to be the only one looking like a goofball so he placed another one of   
those hats on me and I indulged in his random lighthearted moment. We took a couple of pictures and   
sent it to my parents and sister. They thought that it was amusing to see us doing things that we used to   
when we were kids. I was never bored when Nick was around. He always found some element of fun in   
the simple things.   
We uploaded our Shenanigans to Instagram. Nick’s fingers went super fast as he typed away. The  
Within moments the pictures were posted and I checked the post which Nick had tagged me in.   
{My partner in crime decided to let me have some holiday fun as we shop for last minute Christmas   
decorations and other stuff. Of course I couldn’t pass on the opportunity to help Santa’s elves this year.   
Honestly I’d do anything to see her smile like this for as long as possible. #noplace #homecoming #andshethouhtthiswouldbe boring. }  
Honestly I’d do anything to see her smile like this for as long as possible. Lisa falero82 #christmas2019   
#smile #photooftheday#feelings}   
within moments of Nick posting his latest picture to the social media site his fans responded with   
thousands of likes. I was so surprised that his fans actually welcomed my role in Nick’s life and had   
wished us both a good homecoming holiday experience.   
What also took me by surprise was the fact that Nick had publicly acknowledged me as his partner in   
crime. I was definitely in the friend zone and had always been... but public statements like that???   
I kept looking at our picture and up at Nick.   
“Your’e okay?” Nick asked.   
“Yeah, im fine. Just, thank you for what you said. That was sweet of you.” I said.   
“You’re welcome.” Nick said as he left a gentle and respectful kiss on my forehead. I closed my eyes and   
savored the sweet gesture.   
“Heart… get a hold of yourself” I thought to myself. After the sweet moment, Nick and I were over the silliness and put the elves hats back on the   
shelves…both fixing each other’s slightly messed up hair. It was back to business.   
I continued to walk by his side as we went down the aisle and found the Christmas tree lights and the   
array of tree toppers to choose from. We picked out several boxes of lights and a new tree topper.   
Then we headed over to the ladder aisle which was the main reason why we were in home depot to   
begin with. We must’ve spent at least a couple of minutes deciding on a ladder. We settled for a   
standard step ladder that would fit in the broom closet. I noticed that Nick had handled the ladder well   
as he had put it into the cart without hesitation. I guess all of the time that he had spent working out in   
the gym had paid off.   
After gathering everything that was on the list, it was time to get the purchases checked out. Before I   
could swipe my card to pay, Nick gently moved me aside and swiped his credit card instead and put his   
pin number in the keypad.   
“What are you doing?” I asked with an element of surprise.   
“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m buying this stuff for you.” Nick said.   
“I have the money.” I said.   
“Save it. You can use it on something else like food...gas for the car, cookies or your favorite soda. I got   
this.” Nick said with a good natured smile.   
“Why does food immediately come to your brain?” I sarcastically asked.   
“Because I’m a growing boy.” Nick joked as he placed the ladder back into the cart along with the tree.   
We loaded up the car and we headed back to the apartment. Before heading home...I noticed that we stopped at the local pharmacy. "Ah...just in time.." Nick said as his telephone pinged.   
"What was that about?" I asked.   
"Your insulin is ready for pick up. I noticed you were running low   
..so I called for a refill while you were in the shower. Im gonna pick it up for you." Nick said as he parked the car.   
What in the world?. Nick actually paid attention to the slightest details of my needs. I never ever had someone do such simple but meaningful things for me before.   
I was definitely speechless for a bit.   
Nick shut off the ignition and looked over at me. "Whats up? You're alright?" Nick asked.   
"Yeah...I'm sorry. I just...what you said about my medicine and you picking it up for me ...just took me by surprise. Thank you for taking care of things that I had on my mind." I said.   
"Its no problem. I said that I'm home to take care of you...so that's what I'm doing." Nick said softly.   
"Thanks." I said.   
Nick placed a warm hand on my cheek and rubbed it..looking into my eyes. What in the world was he doing ...he leaned over and kissed my forehead twice. There was no way this could happen ....I couldn't fall in love with nick.. not now.....


End file.
